


The Rock Chronicles

by sg_wonderland



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2013-03-02
Packaged: 2017-12-04 02:24:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/705437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg_wonderland/pseuds/sg_wonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at the music that is Jack and Daniel</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rock Chronicles

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a huge Bob Seger fan and I think a lot of his music fits the Jack/Daniel relationship.

Part One  
Shame on the Moon

 

Until you’ve been beside a man,  
You don’t know what he wants.  
You don’t know if he cries at night,  
You don’t know if he don’t.  
When nothing comes easy,  
Old nightmares are real.  
Until you’ve been beside a man,  
You don’t know how he feels. – Bob Seger

Yeah, well, add two more things to the list of Daniel shockers. He had a kick-ass stereo in his Jeep. He just kind of shrugged, I’m sure he blushed when he defended himself. “I like music, okay?”

And then, then he has the nerve to slip a CD into the player. No, he did not, he could not. Dr. Daniel Jackson, geek-extraordinaire does not listen to Bob Seger. The Bob Seger. Rock legend and voice of the working stiff and my youth.

We are sitting here in Daniel’s Jeep, snow insulating the windshield, cocooning us in our own little world except for the streetlight an artificial moon, listening to Seger. Daniel won’t look at me; his gaze is firmly planted out the driver’s window, his hand restless on the stick. “Daniel.”

“Jack.”

“We have to talk about this.”

“We can’t talk about this.”

“What? We ignore it? Hope it goes away? Get Fraiser to give us a shot to cure this?” My attempt at humor falls woefully flat.

“Just get out, Jack, and go in. Right now.”

“Gonna make me?” He sighs heavily, wearily. “Come on, Daniel, it’s snowing, you’re tired.” I take his face, turn it to mine. He allows this, knowing I can’t see him in the dark. “Stay.” I feel the shudder, the jerk of his chin.

“Jack. I can’t.” His voice is agony. “We can’t.”

“We haven’t. Not yet.”

“Jack, we both know this can’t happen.”

“And we both want that to happen, don’t we?”

“I don’t know, Jack. I honestly don’t know.”

“I know.” I lean over and touch my lips to his, knowing he wants this as much as I do. He freezes; starts to pull away, but I hold him hard. He struggles briefly, then gives in, lets me kiss him, hold him, show him I love him.

“Jack, I can’t.” He pleads.

“Not can’t. Won’t.”

“Okay, won’t. I won’t do this, Jack. Please.” His voice shakes despite his attempts to calm it.

I’m ashamed that I’ve reduced him to begging. And even though I can’t see them, I know I’ve caused the tears sparkling in those beautiful, sad eyes. I kiss him lightly, caress his cheek with my thumb. “I’m sorry, Daniel. It was never my intention to force you into this.” Although it’s the last thing I want to do, I give him one more kiss and bolt out of the Jeep before I change my mind.

 

Part Two

Beautiful Loser

 

He’s your oldest and your best friend  
If you need him, he’ll be there again.  
He’s always willing to be second best,  
The perfect lodger, the perfect guest.  
Beautiful loser, read it on the wall.  
And realize, you just can’t have it all. – Rodney Crowell

 

I turn the volume up as I drive home alone.

Alone.

Again.

My choice. 

I had a choice. I could have turned the car off and followed Jack into his house. Could have given him what he wanted. But I didn’t. Oh, I could tell myself that I was protecting Jack, his career, his honor, his reputation. But the brutal truth is that this was never about Jack, it was always about me. About how little I was willing to give and how much he was willing to give up. About how cowardly I truly am. 

Self flagellation isn’t easy for most people; it’s second nature to me. I can easily find the fault in myself, because it’s always there. The fact that I am alone, and have been all my life, is no one’s fault but mine, because I have never been able to give. My parents, Nick, Sha’re, Sarah, Jack. All lost.

And I can’t live through those losses ever again.

It hurts less to be alone. 

Between the too-loud music and the tears of self-pity, I’m not being as cautious on the snow-slickened roads as I should be. I have no idea what just happened; all I feel is the incredible sensation of flying, flying through the  
air. 

 

The next thing I’m aware of is that I feel nothing, can see or hear nothing. Until I feel a hand on my face. “Jack?” I whisper.

“It’s okay, you’re in the hospital. Do you remember what happened?”

“Jack?” He’s all I can think about. “Is Jack okay?”

“You were alone in your vehicle.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to call Jack for you?”

I rattle off Jack’s number and the voice promises to call him. “Just take it easy for a few minutes.”

 

“Hey, there, welcome back. Your friend is here; would you like to see him?”

“Please.”

“Daniel, what happened?” 

Jack sounds alright, thank goodness. “I was about to ask you the same question.”

“You don’t remember?”

I think about it. “All I remember is flying.” And Bob reminding me that I was nothing but a beautiful loser.

“Yeah, you flew alright. A tractor trailer jack-knifed and slid into you, catapulted your Jeep a couple of hundred feet through the air. God, Daniel, if you hadn’t had your seatbelt on,” his voice wobbles.

I try to laugh it off. “Must have been pretty bad.”

His voice hitches again. “I talked to the cops downstairs; they said they don’t know how you lived.”

“I’m apparently hard to kill.”

“Good thing.”

“The truck driver?”

“They think he’ll make it.”

I try to open my eyes and that’s when it hits me. I can’t. “Jack? What’s wrong with my eyes?”

“There was,” the voice shakes again. “…a lot of glass and stuff flying around, some of the pieces got in your eyes. They’ve got them taped up.”

“I’m blind.” Panic fills my throat.

“No, you’re not. It’s just gonna take some time, that’s all. You’re not blind, Daniel, you’re not.”

I hear the lie in his voice.

 

 

I awake to another voice. “Daniel Jackson.”

“Teal’c? What are you doing here?”

“Colonel O’Neill says that you have refused to see him. I requested to be allowed to speak to you.”

“Well, knock yourself out, big guy. Mind if I take a nap?”

“I mind tremendously, Daniel Jackson. If you were Ry’ac, I would be turning you over my knee.”

“Wouldn’t that be a picture?”

“Why do you refuse your friend?”

His tone breaks me. “Because friends don’t lie to friends! I’m blind, Teal’c! Blind! Do you know what that means? It means I’m through, finished. And why won’t he tell me the fucking truth?” For some inexplicable reason, the lie bothers me much more than the blindness.

“Do you trust me, Daniel Jackson?” I feel his weight on the bed before I feel his hands on my arms.

Like I trust no one else. “You know I do, Teal’c.”

“And you believe I will tell you the truth?” I nod. “You are blind, Daniel Jackson. It does not make you less than you were.” 

I’m frozen. Why can’t I react? Why can’t I get mad, why can’t I cry? Teal’c just told me my life is over and I have no reaction at all. I can’t break through the ice that surrounds me. I feel him shake me and I instinctively try to lift my bandaged eyes to his face. “The doctors are uncertain of how long this will last. This may not be a permanent condition.”

“That’s not true.”

He shakes me again. “Daniel Jackson! Have I ever once lied to you?”

I am suddenly very ashamed of the way I’ve been acting. “I’m sorry, Teal’c. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

“I repeat that the doctors do not know if this is a permanent condition. Given this, your current state of mind is understandable. However, I feel compelled to point out that O’Neill is most distressed at your situation.” His hands still hold me.

I squirm, that’s another apology I owe. “Teal’c, will you tell Jack I want to see…speak to him?”

“I will indeed. O’Neill holds himself responsible for your injuries.”

“It’s not his fault; it was just a stupid accident.”

“O’Neill stated that you were extremely upset when you left and that given that and the state of the roads, he believed that he should not have allowed you to drive, that he should have commanded you to remain at his home.” 

I cover my mouth to stifle the sob that tries to escape. My hands are pulled down and my face lands on a big, comforting chest. Teal’c means safety to me in a way that no one, not even Jack, does. I can let myself go because I know he won’t let me fall. The last thing I remember is crying as his hand cups my face, holds me.

 

 

I know as soon as I wake up I’m not alone. “Jack?”

“Teal’c said you wanted to see me.” Where is the confidence, that cockiness I relied on? He sounds so unsure, almost afraid. Then I remember.

“This wasn’t your fault.”

“Daniel, when the hospital called, all I could think was...” He stops, pauses as if searching for the words. “I should have made you stay, should have taken your keys, tied you up, something. I knew you were upset, not thinking straight.” In any other circumstance, that remark would have been accompanied by a smirk.

“The truth is neither of us was thinking straight. I couldn’t stay, Jack, you know that, don’t you?”

“Nothing had to happen.”

I almost smile. “Say that like you mean it. You know and I know what would have happened if I’d walked in that house with you. We would have ended up in your bedroom and we would have made love.” I think I have stunned him into silence. And I realize something else. “God, I really hope we’re alone here.”

He chokes back a laugh. “A little late for discretion now.”

“Oops, I’m sorry.”

“Say that like you mean it, Daniel.”

We sit in silence for a few minutes. “About my eyes.”

He catches my fumbling hand. “They still don’t know. They need to take the bandages off and take a look. The catch is, they have to sedate you, you know, so you don’t do any more damage. Whenever you’re ready.”

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. I…need to know.”

“Will you be alright for a couple of minutes? I’ll let the doctors know.”

 

 

In a frighteningly short time, I’m laying there, Jack’s hand on my arm, listening as the doctor explains what’s happening. Then the sedation takes effect and I drift away.

It could be ten minutes or it could be ten hours when I wake up. Something tells me Jack’s not the only one in the room with me. I must have made some motion, because he leans over me. “You awake?”

“Yeah. So, what’s the verdict?”

“It looks good, Daniel. There’s still some damage and you’re gonna have to have some surgeries. It will take some time, but you’ve got a good chance. Just hold on to that, okay?”

“Teal’c, Sam?”

“Here, Daniel, how did you know?” I know that soft hand in mine is Sam’s.

“I knew that wasn’t Jack’s perfume.”

 

 

So, six weeks of darkness? I think I can live with that, especially considering the alternative. The problem is Jack. He thinks I should move in with him for the time being. Like that’s gonna happen, I don’t think so. I’m quite accustomed to fending for myself and so I tell him.

“You’re not accustomed to being blind, though. Who’s gonna take care of you?”

“I can take care of myself, Jack. I think I can manage to make my way around my own apartment for a few days.”

“Six weeks, Daniel, that’s not just a few days.”

“And I can find my way around my place much better than I can around yours.”

That shut him up. At least, it did momentarily. “Okay, I’ll stay at your place.”

“Jack?”

“It’s no problem; I’ll be there in the morning to see that you don’t cut your head off with the razor, fix you breakfast. Then I’ll be back in the evenings to fix your dinner and tuck you up in bed.”

“As tempting as that sounds, you do know General Hammond is not going to ground SG1 until I’m well, don’t you? What if you have to go out on a mission?”

He has to think about that for a few minutes. “I just don’t want you to be alone.”

“Who says he’ll be alone?” I would know that voice anywhere.

“Hi, Janet.”

“Half of my staff has already volunteered to check on Dr. Jackson and soothe his fevered brow.” There is no way I can stop the flood of color that washes over my face. “However, I’ve told them I don’t think that will be necessary. If SG1 gets sent on a mission, I will personally check on our patient.” Her voice gentles. “You will need someone to stay with you, especially at night, Daniel.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but won’t it be dark at night? I should be able to stay by myself, especially at night.” Jack snickers quietly.

“Trust me, Daniel, this will be harder than you think it is. Let us help you.”

I hate the way she tricks me, she makes it seem churlish to refuse. But I still try. “Janet, I think...”

“How many sets of steps are there in your apartment? Besides, your friends want to do this. Sam and Teal’c have also offered to stay. So I suggest you work out some sort of schedule. It’s either that or you go to rehab, where they can keep a very close eye on you.”

I wince at that suggestion. And I cave reluctantly, as she knows I will. “Okay, I’ll let them stay, if it will make you happy.” I know there’s a distinct pout on my face.

“Well, it will certainly make me happy,” Jack quips.

 

 

I really thought I would just be able to negotiate my way around my apartment easily. But I have bruises on my shins and what I understand is a spectacular one on my cheek that attests to the fact that Janet was, unfortunately, right. So, I’m on rotation with the babysitting club, can’t imagine what this is doing for their social lives.

Teal’c is a total blast; he lets me do anything I want to. Well, within reason. Like eating at what I know was the middle of the night. That’s one thing I didn’t anticipate about the blindness. My sleep schedule is completely out of whack. A couple of times when I woke up and could feel the sunshine on my face, I knew it was the middle of the day. Janet said if I slept that much, it was because I needed it, at least that’s what her granny used to tell her.

Sam and I work a lot, believe it or not. We discuss, and sometimes argue, theories. She won’t back down and doesn’t cut me any slack because I’m blind. And she lets me drink an occasional glass of wine, after I swear I wouldn’t tell Janet.

I sincerely dread this week, because Jack is on call. After what happened in his driveway the night of my wreck, I am beyond nervous of when it’s just the two of us. Oh, I don’t think he will try to force me or seduce me. I’m just afraid our easy way with each other is a thing of the past.

“Honey, I’m home!” I wince as Jack shouts from the doorway. Oh, yeah, the week from hell is just beginning.

 

“See, I’ll bet you didn’t know I could cook?”

“No, Jack, I had no idea that you could cook. Um, is it supposed to smell like that?” I can’t resist yanking his chain just a bit.

“For that, you can do the dishes. Now eat.” I hear him slide a plate in front of me. “Steak, all nicely cut up just for the baby, is at six o’clock. Rice at ten and broccoli is at two. Fork is on the right, water is on the left, bread at the top of plate. Dig in.”

“You see that big white machine beside the sink? I know they didn’t have dishwashers in your day, but it’s a totally amazing invention.” I lace my voice with sarcasm as I orient myself with my dinner.

“They say when you lose one sense, all the others are sharpened. I had no idea they meant your sense of humor. Eat up, Daniel, I’ve got plans for tonight.”

I eat obediently. “Is there a hockey game on TV?”

“There is a hockey game in town. I think you’ve been cooped up too long.”

I stop eating. “You mean, go out? In public?” The only place I’ve been since I got home from the hospital is to see my doctor. No amount of begging or pleading has thus far won me a trip to the mountain.

“You need some fresh air, Daniel. You know I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, don’t you?” I feel his hand on my wrist.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just..”

“You’re scared?”

“A little.”

“It’ll be okay. And if you can’t take it, we come home. You just say the word. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now, finish your dinner. And you can load the dishwasher.”

 

I haven’t had anyone lay out my clothes for me in way too many years. But Jack leads me into the bedroom, stops me at the bed. “There you go, jeans, sweatshirt, socks, tennis shoes. Holler if you need some help.”

“I’m just gonna..” I point in the direction of the bathroom.

“Got that covered?”

“Yeah, ten steps to the door.” I don’t know who’s more embarrassed. 

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it.” I wait until I hear him leave and I walk slowly toward the bathroom, thanking God once again that I lucked into an apartment with a master suite. I flip the light on automatically and grin at my own stupidity. I do what I came to do, then wash my hands, brush my teeth, fuss with my hair. Oh, well, if it’s a mess, people will just look at the dark glasses and excuse me. I fumble my way back into the bedroom and carefully change clothes.

 

It’s not as bad as I was afraid it would be. Jack led me carefully into the arena, keeping my hand firmly in his elbow, talking to me constantly about obstacles in front of me. He knows a lot of the people in this section; I’m assuming these are season ticket holders. 

There are a few women there and I’m not bragging when I say they flocked all over me. I guess it was the combination of my blindness and Jack’s hovering, but they looked out for me when he went to get something to eat and to the bathroom. No beer, though, since he’s driving. “No beer for you, either,” he teases me. No need to mention Sam and the wine, I just smile and agree with him.

“I’m glad we came. Thanks, Jack.” The cold air is refreshing after the oppressive arena.

“Glad you liked it. Maybe we can do something else sometime.”

We get stuck in the traffic leaving the game and so we have a lot of time to just chat. Jack fills me in on the base gossip. That is something that never ceases to amaze me, no matter where you work, it is like a little soap opera. I lean my head back wearily and just let Jack’s soft voice wash over me, feeling the difference when the vehicle finally makes it out of the parking lot and onto the street heading home. 

I’m almost asleep when I hear Jack shouting and feel the vehicle starting to slide. His hand is frantically tapping my face and his voice coming to me from a long, dark tunnel. Then I don’t hear anything else.

 

“…the hell is that ambulance?”

“No ambulance,” I murmur, surprised at how weak my voice is.

“Daniel! Thank God, are you alright?”

“Wreck?”

“No, we managed to miss the wreck. You passed out.”

“Did not.”

“Did, too.”

“Did not.” Oh, God, please tell me I didn’t.

“You lost consciousness, Daniel. Trust me on this.”

“I don’t need an ambulance, I’m fine.” Unless extreme embarrassment requires hospitalization.

“You’re getting one anyway, just to be on the safe side.”

I can’t believe this. Jack hits the brakes and I faint, talk about humiliating. So I end up back at my second home, the hospital where the ER doctor won’t let me go until he speaks to my eye surgeon. 

 

Consequently, it’s morning before we get home, only to find Janet impatiently waiting for us. I’m assuming Jack called her sometime during our little adventure.

“Colonel.” Even a blind man could hear the edge in her voice. Okay, evidently he didn’t call her immediately. I jump in to stave off the inevitable confrontation.

“Janet, I’m fine. I didn’t hit my head, didn’t damage my eyes, I just…” I can’t even say it.

“He fainted, Doc. Got scared when I had to hit the brakes to avoid a wreck. That’s all.”

So I end up with yet another examination, Janet puts me on the couch and checks me out for herself. I guess she assures herself I am fine after she does her thing and orders me to get some rest.

“No. Food first. I’m starved.” We had planned on eating after the game. 

“Let’s see what we can rustle up. Doc, why don’t you stay?”

“Let me call the base and let them know Dr. Jackson is alright. General Hammond was quite concerned.” Is there anyone who doesn’t know I fainted?

Between them, Jack and Janet cook breakfast. I think it’s actually more like brunch, but I don’t care, I would eat anything at this point. Until a plate land in front of me and my stomach does a slow turn at the smell. 

Jack gives me a mental picture of my plate; I’m trying to figure out how to get out of eating. Then I process his words with something akin to panic. “Milk?” There is no way in hell I can drink milk and not puke my guts out.

He misunderstands my tone. “Milk, Daniel, no coffee.” If Janet hadn’t been here, I might have gotten away with coffee. I sigh, hoping I can sneak some in later. I know Jack had drunk at least one cup while we were at the hospital, I can smell it on him. I realize as I push the now unwanted food around the plate how exhausted I really am. Spending the night in a hospital emergency room will do that to you.

“Bed, Daniel.” I jerk at Jack’s voice. Was I asleep sitting here? And I don’t even have the energy to argue. I stumble into the bedroom, undress and fall into bed, not even caring that Jack is hovering over me.

 

I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep, it doesn’t feel like very long when Jack shakes me awake. “Daniel, I’m sorry but I need to talk to you.”

A shiver crawls up my spine; there is something very scary in his tone. “What’s wrong, Jack?”

“I have to go. There’s a problem, I have to go.”

“Who’s in trouble?”

“Ferretti. They missed their last three check-ins. I…don’t want to go.”

“Go, Jack.” I’m still very shaky but I can’t tell him that. SG3 needs him far worse than I do. “You can’t help me, Jack, but you can help them.” I feel a kiss on my forehead. “Just take care of yourself, okay?”

His lips linger over my bandaged eyes. “You, too. Go back to sleep.” And then he leaves me.

 

It takes me hours to go back to sleep and when I wake up again I can’t immediately identify the perfume. A woman’s scent, too light for Sam, Janet doesn’t wear perfume because of her allergies. I sniff again, and then it comes to me. “Cassie.”

“How did you know?” I hear the pout in her voice.

“Perfume. What time is it?”

“Four-thirty.”

Then I remember why I was alone. “SG3?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t heard anything. You want to get up?”

“Need a shower.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“No, I can do this. Just head me toward the bureau.” She does, then stands while I dig out clean underwear. I can feel her hovering. “I got this, Cassie, I promise you.”

“Okay.” She doesn’t sound at all certain. Actually, I’m not all that confident either. But I can smell myself and being blind is no excuse for that.

I find the goggles that protect my bandaged eyes, undress and step in. Okay, so far, so good. Yeah, there are the water controls, right where I left them. This is actually easier than I imagined. I can tell which is the shampoo and which is the conditioner by smell. I shouldn’t really be surprised. Taking a shower entails leaving your glasses off, so I’ve technically been doing this blind for years. 

A few minutes later, I’m clean, dressed and ensconced on one of the sofas with Cassie. She’s got her school books with her so it’s like a walk back in history for me. All I can remember about girls in high school was studying with them. I wasn’t quite as bright as everyone thought I was; it never occurred to me to make a pass at any of them. Although, come to think of it, I might have missed a couple of passes along the way.

We both try to pretend that we’re not thinking about the fate of missing friends.

 

Four hours later we quit trying to pretend. I haven’t eaten, can’t even think about swallowing food so I lied and told Cassie I’d had a big lunch. The last call Cassie made only added to the very unsettled feeling in my stomach. SG1 hasn’t checked in since they gated out, over nine hours ago. 

I tell myself there is any number of explanations. Unfortunately, none of them are good. All I can think about are the worst case scenarios. That whatever got SG3 got them, too. Ferretti’s a good man and a good Marine; he wouldn’t just let himself and his team get captured. He’d fight tooth and nail; he’s an awful lot like Jack. I made the mistake of voicing that comparison once and ended up on the receiving end of a friendly headlock from the aforementioned Marine.

“Daniel, you have to eat something.” I feel her hand trembling on my knee. “Mom’s gonna kill me if you get sick.”

“I’m sorry, Cassie, I just can’t.” I already feel sick enough the way it is now; if I eat, I know what the outcome will be, pun not intended. No, best just to avoid that possibility altogether. 

“How about something to drink? Ginger ale? Pepsi?” I keep plenty of the latter around just for her.

“Okay, I can probably handle a ginger ale.” At least, it will make her feel useful. “What time is it?”

“A quarter till nine.”

“Is somebody coming to get you?” No way is she driving home alone at this hour.

“Mom said she’d pick me up. When…” She stops herself. “Here’s your ginger ale. And some Tylenol for the headache.” I feel her hovering over me, making sure I down the pills.

“You are certainly your mother’s daughter,” I tease her with a smile.

She insinuates herself into my side, her voice is childlike and frightened. “Do you think they’re okay?”

I wouldn’t insult her intelligence by lying. “I hope so. God, I hope so.” My voice kind of wobbles there for a moment, too.

 

When the phone rings, we both jolt. I’m ashamed to say I was nearly asleep; Cassie was asleep with her head in my lap. I hold my breath as I hear Cassie’s voice break and I know it’s bad. 

I try to brace myself for the worst, like you can actually do that. She hangs up the phone and suddenly I find myself with a lap full of ecstatic teenager. “They’re okay, Daniel, they’re okay! They’re all okay.” We indulge in a little mutual cry fest, swear each other to secrecy then cry some more.

“Mom said it’ll be late before she can get here. And she expects to find you in bed. Asleep. Or you’re gonna be so sorry. Her exact words.” The sniffles negate the fierceness of her voice.

“Oh, well, hate to disappoint the dear doc, but I don’t think so.” I roll her off my lap and find my feet, gesturing with my hand. “Bathroom.” I try to walk nonchalantly, but when I get there, I shut the door quietly, lock it and fall to my knees.

 

Some time later, I come to myself, lying flat out on the cold tile floor. I don’t know how you can throw up like that when you haven’t eaten in hours, but I seem to be able to manage the damn near impossible. Then I vaguely realize Cassie is shouting and pounding on the door. I fumble for the lever and flush before I crawl to the door. “I’m fine.” I croak.

“Daniel, if you don’t open this door in the next five seconds, I’m calling the fire department.” Her mother’s daughter, all right. I reach up and feel for the knob and unlock it, rolling to the side to prevent a collision between my body and an unforgiving door. She falls over me in her haste; I reach for her, try to keep her from getting hurt. “Daniel! What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just…It’s nothing.”

She tries to lift me up but my ass is in no mood to assist her, it remains stubbornly connected to the floor. “Leave me alone.” I try to wave her off but she ignores me and manages to get me somewhat vertical, my back against the wall.

“Here, drink this.” I jerk my face away. “It’s just some ginger ale. Help settle your stomach. Come on, just a little. You’ll feel better.”

“I wouldn’t bet the farm on it.” 

She holds the icy glass when she sees I’m simply incapable, forces me to drink. My stomach protests violently and I struggle not to lose it again. “Drink, there you go.” She leaves the glass in my shaky hands and soon I feel a cool, wet cloth on my forehead. “I called Mom, she’s on her way.” I feel her plop down beside me. “I wasn’t kidding about the fire department.”

I let my head roll onto her shoulder. “I always wanted to be rescued by a big strong man in red suspenders.”

“Really? Me, too.” She giggles the laugh of abject relief. Of having feared the worst and then finding out that everything was okay.

“Do you think Teal’c would wear the boots, too?”

Her giggles turn to snickers, which turn to a gasping laugh. Within minutes, we are both whooping with laughter, the images getting more and more ridiculous as we speculate about Teal’c sliding down a pole and carrying kittens out of a burning building. Our near hysteria is interrupted by a knock on the door. And suddenly, we hear Jack shouting; he has his key, but Cassie had the chain on. “Wonder if Jack has red suspenders?” I speculate with a wheeze.

“Oh, God,” she scrambles over me to answer the door, shouting with joy as she no doubt greets Jack with an effusive hug. Then I hear other voices and I realize he’s not alone. Taking a sip, I try to brace myself for the impending explosion. I may be blind but I can ‘see’ Jack’s expression. Kind of ‘what the hell are you doing now, Daniel?’

“Daniel?” Don’t let the softness fool you, I tell myself, there is definite ice in that tone. “Why are you on the floor?”

Before I can explain, my avenging angel launches into a diatribe about me worrying and not eating and locking myself in the bathroom and ends with the lovely picture of me puking my guts out. “Okay, buddy, time to get up out of the floor.”

“No. Don’t think I want to.” I can be as obstinate as the next guy. Especially if the next guy is Jack.

“Don’t give a damn. Up and at ‘em.” He lifts me with very little effort and tries to force me into the bedroom. I finally come alive enough to struggle.

“No, I have to brush my teeth.”

“Daniel.” Until I met Jack, I thought my name only had two syllables, not three or sometimes even four.

“Oh, Jack, trust me. I really have to brush my teeth.”

“Dammit,” he leads me to the sink.

“I can brush my own teeth, thank you.” I wrench the toothbrush out of his hand. “Go away.” That’s really funny, considering less than an hour ago I was willing to do anything, say anything just to ‘see’ him again.

He shoves a tube in my hand. “How do you know that’s toothpaste?”

“I can smell, you know. Scram.” I shove him toward what I hope is the door. I sigh as I realize I didn’t hear it shut. I sniff the tube, satisfied it is toothpaste and wash the bad taste out of my mouth. 

“Satisfied?”

The fight has all gone out of me now. The highs and lows of this day have worn me to a state of vulnerability that I detest and fight against. “Yes.” I whisper as I hug the sink.

“Come on,” he grabs my arm and drags me to the living room.

“Daniel.”

“Sam?”

She immediately knows what I need. I feel her take my wrists and slide my hands to her cheeks. “Hey, it’s really me and I’m really okay.”

I fall into her embrace, clutching her for dear life. She’s holding on just as tight, allowing me to feel what I cannot see; a Sam who’s alive and strong and here. I get an armful of Teal’c next. He always manages to be strong and yet so gentle at the same time. I turn toward where I think Jack is; Teal’c still has a steadying hand splayed across my back, his fingers managing to cover a fair amount of real estate.

“Jack? I’m sorry I yelled at you. I was just…” I don’t really have to explain to him. He knows, stepping forward until he has one hand cupped around the back of my head and the other one replacing Teal’c’s on my back. I let myself relax into him and his whispered reassurances. Until he realizes we have a very interested audience. I feel the reluctance as he backs away, but doesn’t release me.

“Okay now? Think you might be able to eat a little something?” I swallow slowly. “I’ll take that as a no. You know Doc’s gonna stick something uncomfortable somewhere in your anatomy if you keep tossing your cookies, don’t you?”

I know my face has gone from pasty white to sickly green. Just the thought of food has me wondering how many steps it is back to the porcelain throne. “Here, try some more ginger ale, Daniel.” Cassie trails behind as Jack gently settles me on the sofa, tucking me under a blanket, sneaking in a swipe across my forehead for good measure.

“I don’t have a fever,” I complain when I finally manage to swallow the fizzy liquid. Okay, that went down okay, I might just make it without humiliating myself.

Fortunately, Janet rides to my rescue shortly thereafter. She gets a disjointed account of my evening from Cassie and Jack. I remain silent, waiting for the lecture. What I get is Janet’s tender hand on my face. “Daniel? What hurts?”

“Nothing hurts, nothing’s wrong. It’s just...not a good day, you know?”

“Oh, Daniel,” I think she just remembered that my day started last night at the emergency room via a hockey game.

“I’m not tired, I’ve slept all day.” I lie without regret. “I just don’t feel like eating, please?” Under normal circumstances, I would make with the sad eyes.

“Listen, Doc, why don’t we just give Daniel some space? You take Cassie home, Carter can take care of Teal’c and I’ll just hang out here with Daniel. I believe I’m still on the clock here anyway.”

“Not until I check him.” I sigh as I hear the challenge in her voice. I’m a hairsbreadth away from breaking completely. If she and Jack fight over me, I may lock myself in the bathroom again. What I do is allow myself to be led to the bedroom, vowing to myself that when I get my vision back I won’t let anyone lead me anywhere ever again. Wonder if I could get that carved in stone so I can hang it over my mantel?

Janet agrees to hold off on the dreaded suppository. For tonight, anyway, much to Jack’s palpable dismay. I may have to terminate him with extreme prejudice when I…hm, add one more thing to my list of ‘when I get my sight back’.

 

 

Jack is being unusually chipper this morning. I can’t figure him out. He kept his mouth shut last night, letting me bask in my own silence. And I know that’s something he absolutely cannot stand. He won’t talk about what’s bothering him but expects me to make like Old Faithful and spew right on time, every time. 

I am shoving breakfast around my plate, trying to hide the fact that I haven’t actually eaten anything. I should know better. “Janet asked for a bite by bite account of your breakfast. You’d better eat something if you don’t want the you-know-what.” He taps my shoulder for emphasis as he heads for the knock on the door. “Daniel, you’ve got company.”

“Hey, Doc, what’s happening?”

I smile with genuine pleasure as I realize who it is. “Ferretti. Are you lost again?”

He ruffles my hair as he walks by. “Nah, I got tired of you getting all the attention with this pathetic blind ploy. I had nurses all over me last night.”

“I’m sure Mrs. Ferretti,” I make sure I emphasize the ‘Mrs.’, “would find that very interesting. Shall I phone her?”

“She’s out running errands, knothead.” 

“That’s okay, I’ve got her cell number,” I don’t even try to hide the gloat of satisfaction.

“You…you have my wife’s cell phone number?” His wheezy reply tells me that I have successfully stunned him.

“On speed dial. Yes.” I can’t resist digging just a little deeper. “She thinks I’m sweet.”

“If she only knew what a total shit you really are.” Jack lightly slaps the back of my head. “Now, eat. I’ve got the doc’s number on speed dial.”

 

I should have known, I really should have known. But I was so thrilled to be allowed back on base that it didn’t occur to me that this little trip didn’t automatically culminate in my office. I realize as soon as we leave the elevator, the smell of the infirmary hits me full force. “Jack.”

“Doctor’s orders. Infirmary, now, Daniel.”

I shudder. “Bathroom, now, Jack.” He must be looking at my face, he doesn’t even argue, but hustles me to the nearest facility. I offer up a vague prayer that it’s empty, but by the time Jack has me planted in front of the toilet, I’m far from caring. Somewhere, I hear voices, Jack’s raised in fear, I think, and another replying. 

Later I might find this humiliating, but I’m far too grateful for Jack’s presence to worry about my pride. He holds me as I lose what little I have in my stomach. Then I shamelessly lie back on him, while he carefully wipes my face. “Think you can stand up now?”

“Maybe.” 

“O’Neill.” That booming voice can only belong to one person. As Teal’c plucks me out of Jack’s arms, I idly wonder how many people can fit in an Air Force issue bathroom. This one seems to be full of people. And they are all chattering. I burrow my now pounding head into Teal’c’s massive chest.

“Make them stop, please.” I beg.

“What, Daniel Jackson?”

“Noise. Too much noise.”

I hear the pitter-patter of not so little feet filing out of the room; Teal’c must have used the eyebrow on them. He tries to lift me up into his arms and I struggle.

“I can walk, you know.” His reaction to this is to slip his arm under my knees and lift me as if I were a child. Damn, but he’s a lot stronger than I thought he was; I might have missed a few meals but I’m no lightweight.

 

 

“He’s already dehydrated, Colonel. The IV is necessary; we’ll try some clear liquids just to see how he tolerates them.”

“He can’t tolerate anything; he just puked up ginger ale, Doc. What the hell is wrong with him?”

I feel obligated to jump in. “I may be blind but I’m not deaf, so please refrain from discussing me as if I were.”

“Daniel, how do you feel?”

What the hell, might as well tell the truth. It’s gonna come out eventually, but I don’t feel inclined to make either one of them work for it. “Awful. Head hurts, stomach hurts. Hot.”

“Yes, you have a bit of a temperature.” Her voice fades then comes back. “Okay, Daniel, yesterday. What did you eat for breakfast?”

“Um, breakfast?”

“He didn’t eat anything, Doc, remember, you were there?”

“What did you eat at the hockey game?”

Jack jumps in to supply the list of goodies he poured into me at the game as she lectures him on the proper care and feeding of an invalid. I roll away from both of them, their voices driving nails into an already excruciating headache. I’m getting that bone between two dogs feeling once again.

“Colonel O’Neill, Dr. Fraiser, I believe you are causing Daniel Jackson distress.”

“Thank you, Teal’c,” I whisper.

“I’m sorry, Daniel,” she sounds contrite. “I can give you something, maybe you’ll feel better after you get some sleep.” I agree to try it. “Okay, I’m just going to put this right in your IV. There, now, you get some rest. And I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed.”

“Thank you,” I whisper again. 

 

I’m not trying to be sneaky, really I’m not. Pretending to be asleep when I’m not is the only way I can find out what’s really going on. I can’t gauge people’s reactions by their faces so I’m relying on voice, both word and tone. I know Jack’s not here, I can’t smell his cologne. And this is probably the first time I’m glad about that. But having him near simply tears my stomach up. 

How can I tell Janet that Jack is making me sick?

I realized when Jack was missing that I love him. I mean, love him, love him. Love him in the way he wants me to love him and he knew it before I did, the bastard. He would never have made a pass at me if he wasn’t one hundred percent certain that I was emotionally invested in a relationship with him. I don’t do casual, not in anything. No, good old Daniel has to throw himself into everything he does with much enthusiasm and little foresight.

What I want right now, more than anything, is just to go home. I hate the infirmary at any time, now that I’m blind, it is particularly stifling. So when they bring me a light meal, I eat every bite and fight to keep it down. I am my sweetest self to all the nurses, hopefully giving the impression that I’m quite myself again.

So far, so good. Next step, persuade Janet to release me. Hence, the not-sneaky tactic. I know they have bounced around food poisoning, delayed shock (my personal favorite) and one of those stomach bugs that seems to always be flitting around. Okay, so delayed shock it is.

 

 

When Janet comes back, I give her my best what-the-hell-happened attitude, professing to remember little of the past two days since Jack slammed on the brakes and sent me into this tailspin. My breakfast and I stayed together, by the skin of my teeth. It seems my little performance works; Janet agrees to release me if I can manage lunch without any unfortunate incidents. Much of that depends, unfortunately, on what lunch consists of. 

The gods are smiling down on me because lunch, much like breakfast, consists of soup, crackers and juice, all of which I manage to eat as if I enjoy every bite. This performance should get me the Oscar nomination but earns me what I really want, a ticket out of here.

Proving that I once again must be living right, it turns out that SG1 is in a de-briefing about yesterday’s rescue mission and are luckily unavailable to escort me home. Instead, I get Nurse Donna, who lives in my building with her husband and makes a wonderful neighbor. I have to wait until her shift ends, but I’m allowed to wait in my office. Not much I can do there but soak up the atmosphere, which I do until Donna fetches me and drives me home. And thank heaven I am now alone.

 

I’ve already figured out the problem between me and Jack is me. I’ve never had a sexual relationship with anyone that didn’t come as a surprise to me. Sarah jumped me almost immediately and I was married to Sha’re without even knowing it. I’ve never had a-God, what a stupid word, but it’s the only one I can think of that fits-courtship and I’m scared to death. And who could I ask for advice? Sam? I’d rather die first. Janet? I’d rather die twice. Cassie? Teal’c? General Hammond? This just gets more ridiculous. The person whom I am accustomed to seeking advice from is the problem.

I’ve always gone to Jack for everything from ‘why is my car making this noise’ to ‘help me understand the military mindset’. This is one problem I absolutely cannot take to Jack.

This is the one bright spot I can find in my blindness. I can put Jack off as long as I’m incapacitated; he wouldn’t take me now even if I begged him, which I’m so not going to do. He’ll wait until I’m back on my feet. And then he’ll hit me with both barrels, the big gun, whatever weaponry he deems necessary to win this battle. I just have to hang on and try to figure this out.

One week down and five more to go. 

 

Part Three

We’ve Got Tonight

 

I know it’s late, I know you’re weary  
I know your plans don’t include me  
Still here we are, both of us lonely  
Longing for shelter from all that we see  
Why should we worry, no one will care  
Look at the stars so far away  
We’ve got tonight, who needs tomorrow?  
We’ve got tonight, babe, why don’t you stay?

Deep in my soul, I’ve been so lonely  
All of my hopes, faded away  
I’ve longed for love, like everyone else does  
I know I’ll keep searching, after today  
And here we are, babe, what do you say?  
We’ve got tonight, who needs tomorrow?  
We’ve got tonight, babe, why don’t you stay?

Let’s make it last, let’s find a way  
Turn off the light, come take my hand now  
We’ve got tonight, babe, why don’t you stay? – Bob Seger

 

He is, without doubt, the most obstinate, most pig-headed, most aggravating individual I have ever had the misfortune to come across. I have killed people for less than this, I’m not kidding. Sitting there, gazing at me, okay, he’d be gazing at me if it weren’t for the bandages on his eyes; he acts like he doesn’t know what he did. So I try, once again, with rapidly waning patience, to explain to him. “Daniel, I know that you have to be frustrated but that’s no excuse for being stupid.” 

I have heard that you have to really love someone in order to be mad enough to contemplate killing them. Judging by Daniel’s body language, he must love the shit out of me. “Stupid? Did you just say I was stupid?”

“Yeah, I did. How else can you explain walking around this base while you are blind? Do you know how dangerous that could have been?”

“We’re on base, Jack, it’s not like I walked around downtown Colorado Springs. What could have happened?”

“You could have taken a wrong turn, you could have fallen down the stairs. Do you know how long it would have taken to find you if you had gotten lost or hurt?” I don’t even want to think about that.

“Jack, it is fourteen steps to the left from your office to the corridor, turn right and go twelve steps to the elevator and then Teal’c’s room is the 3rd door on the right. Besides, there are plenty of people who would help me if I asked.”

Help themselves to him is more like it. Daniel’s vulnerability has always been one of his more engaging qualities; this being blind has people falling all over him. I would never put this into words to his face, but I have always considered Daniel to be fragile. Not physically, but emotionally. I keep waiting for him to shatter completely, but he always manages to hang on.

However, this situation has really challenged that ability. It has put a serious dent in an already shaky self-confidence; he hasn’t been able to do very much work since so much of what he does centers around his being able to see what he is trying to translate. He has worked on some tablets, things he can feel with either raised or carved figures. But, despite what I said, he’s not stupid; he knows we’re just trying to keep him busy. So we’re in a catch-22 here. We don’t want to leave him home by himself to stew, but bringing him to the base only reinforces how helpless he truly is.

“Daniel, what do you say we take some time off? Maybe head out somewhere?”

“Like?” There is a bit of enthusiasm in his voice.

“I don’t know, how about heading up to the cabin? It’s small enough that you can be comfortable there. Just for a few days. Come on, it’ll be fun. You can sit out in the sun and commune with nature.”

“While you commune with the fish?” I have to smile at the teasing tone.

“You know me, any excuse to fish. Come on,” I tap his shoulder to indicate it’s time to move, “let’s see the general. You be the bad cop and I’ll be the good cop.”

“Yeah, like General Hammond’s gonna buy that one.” He lets me tuck his hand into the crook of my arm.

 

Two days later finds us on the road to Minnesota. Daniel suggested we fly but since we’re not on any time table, I opted to drive even though I have to do all the driving. But I prefer to have my own truck rather than rent one. And I don’t think that’s anal, no matter what smart-mouthed passengers might think. It’s not a control thing or a macho thing, it’s just who I am. Sliding a glance over to the afore-mentioned passenger, I grin at him. This blind thing has its advantages; I can look all I want and he won’t know.

“Jack.” Or maybe he will.

“Daniel? Need something?”

“No, just…it’s nothing.”

“Get some sleep, Daniel.” I stop just short of saying he needs it. But he does. If I could see his eyes, I guarantee they’d have bags under them. At least he got over his little sick spell, Doc said she still doesn’t really know what was wrong. But after a couple of days, Daniel snapped out of it, started eating again. And more importantly, stopped puking everything up. We wouldn’t be heading for Minnesota if she hadn’t cleared him.

I listen to his breathing and realize he’s asleep. Finally. Glancing at the dash, I figure we’ll stop at the next exit. Get some gas, get some food, and stretch our legs. We should make the cabin before dark.

I ease the CD out of the player and fumble for another one. Bob Seger, I know Daniel likes him, I slide it in and resist the urge to crank it up. Some kinds of music just calls for high volume. I can’t really listen to Seger when I’m alone, he automatically gives me a lead foot.

I’m just driving along, minding my own business when Daniel wakes up screaming.

“Daniel?” I reach out a hand for him, automatically slowing down and looking to pull off. “Daniel, what’s wrong?”

“Stop it.” His voice is barely a whisper now. “Please stop it.”

I get the truck onto the shoulder and shove it up into park. When I touch him, Daniel comes up swinging, fighting the seat belt and I’m petrified if he gets out of the truck, he’ll get run over. “Daniel, calm down!”

“Make it stop, please just make it stop.”

“What, Daniel, make what stop.” I can barely hear him. I lower the volume on the stereo so I can make out what he’s saying. And he suddenly, terrifyingly, goes limp, falling forward, burying his face in his knees. I lean over so I can hear what he’s chanting, it sounds like ‘make it stop’ over and over. And then it hits me. “Christ, Daniel, I didn’t think.” I reach over and eject the CD. “We won’t play that again, okay?”

“It was just… waking up and we were moving and that song and,” his voice is muffled, “I couldn’t get out. I was trapped in the dark flying. And I didn’t land. I just kept falling and falling and falling. And it was dark.” His teeth are chattering with pure fright.

“You’re not falling, Daniel, I’ve got you. I’m right here.” I stroke that bowed head, feeling the tremors as he fights to get a grip. “Come on, just lean back and close your eyes.” I hear him snort, half laughing and half crying. “Okay, you’ve got that part licked already. I’m just gonna lay your seat back and just get this blanket here, see, all covered up nice and cozy. Will you be alright ‘til I can get someplace to call Doc?”

“No! You don’t have to call Janet. I’m...I’ll be alright. I just lost it there for a minute, you know? I’ll just get some sleep. You said we were almost there anyway, didn’t you? I’ll be fine, Jack, just let me rest.”

I’m calling Janet the first chance I get, I don’t care what he says. I take the next exit, pull in for gas; he doesn’t even stir. I grab my phone and call her while I’m gassing up. “He just lost it, Doc, I thought he was gonna bolt on me. He was petrified.” I don’t have to tell her, she knows he wasn’t the only one scared to death.

She is, as always, the voice of reason. “That’s understandable, Colonel, look at what happened the night of the hockey game. You just went into a skid and he fainted. It’s only natural that re-living the wreck will scare him. And then being blind on top of it. This is delayed shock, that’s all. He’s gonna be fine, Jack.” She softens her tone.

“Should I bring him back?”

“I don’t think that’s necessary. If you can get him to talk about it, I think it will help.”

“He told me a little bit. That he kept falling and couldn’t stop. And, of course, the dark.”

“Just keep reassuring him that he’s okay. Let him do what he needs to do, if that’s sleeping or eating or crying or talking about it. Whatever he needs, Jack, within reason.”

She would have to add that caveat. “Okay.” 

“And, Jack? Call me anytime, day or night. If you think you can’t handle him, I can fly up there.”

I try to lighten the mood. “Sorry, doc, boy’s club here. No girls allowed.”

She gets it immediately. “Good luck, Alfalfa.”

I start to go in to pay for the gas, but I can’t leave him. I’m not scared, I tell myself as I walk around to his side of the truck. “Daniel,” I shake him gently. “Daniel, wake up.”

“Why?” He grumbles.

“Pit stop. Come on, let’s visit the facilities.”

“Don’t need to.” He pulls away from me.

“Come on, last chance before we get to the cabin.” I unfasten his seat belt and grab him, just keeping from tumbling on the ground. I shut the door, lock the truck and tow him into the convenience store. “If you’re good, I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”

That perks him up. We find the bathroom and do our thing. Daniel decides he wants a coffee for now and a soda for later. And a candy bar to go with the soda. I drag him away before he buys the whole damn store. “Come on, kid, we’ll stop for supplies closer to the cabin.” I load him in the truck and pop his seat back up, fixing the lid of his coffee and showing him where the cup holder is.

“Jack? Sorry I freaked on you back there.”

“It’s alright. Although most people only react like that when they can actually see my driving.”

“Why do you think I’m still wearing the bandages?” 

 

There’s one of those huge superstores about an hour from the cabin and I sometimes stop there. However, the prospect of losing Daniel somewhere in the midst of 99 aisles is not a pleasant thought. So we stop at a much smaller store where I can plant Daniel at the little snack bar and shop in peace. Getting him another coffee, I leave him there, reminding him he can call me on my cell and I quickly shop for perishables.

The cabin is ready; I called the guy who does maintenance for folks like me. He’ll make sure the generator is up and running, with plenty of gas and wood for the fireplace. His good wife will have cleaned the cabin from top to bottom; she readily agreed to do some extra shopping for me, especially after I explained the circumstances.

In no time, we’re back on the road. The perishables are in the coolers and Daniel is chattering after I don’t know how many cups of coffee, evidently the girls in the snack bar took one look at him and scurried to wait on him hand and foot. I’m sure he doesn’t even have a clue, he just thinks they were being nice. It’s a good thing they couldn’t see the baby blues, they’d have been offering to bear his children. It’s enough that the bandaged eyes draw attention to that sexy mouth.

I’m only listening to about half of what he says, as usual. Every once in a while, I catch Teal’c’s name so I assume it is something they’ve been working on together. 

He goes oddly quiet after awhile. “Daniel, you okay?”

“Yeah, just tired, you know?”

“Well, we’ll be home in about fifteen minutes.”

“Home,” he sighs softly.

 

 

It really is like home to me. I know every path in the woods, every fish in the lake. I lead Daniel in and take him from room to room, letting him get his bearings before I start to unload the truck. I should have known he wouldn’t simply sit down and take it easy. He’s in the living room, mentally mapping the room out, touching the furniture, the walls, everything he can get his hands on. “You want me to light a fire?”

A sudden smile blossoms. “Would you? I love a fireplace. That’s one of the things that sold me on my apartment.”

“Yeah, just make yourself at home. Won’t take but a second.”

He made himself at home alright; stretched out full-length on the sofa that I know from personal experience is very nap-worthy. I finish with the fire and take a minute to just look. I’m not used to seeing Daniel so relaxed; he usually has a book in his hand and his mouth is going a mile a minute. Relaxed is a good look on him. Pretty much everything is a good look on him. 

We all thought he had awful taste in clothes and stuff. What he actually had was exquisite taste and no money. Now that he’s pulling down the big bucks, he dresses beautifully, although I would never say that to his face. He doesn’t turn a hair at dropping a hundred bucks on jeans or a pair of tennis shoes. He doesn’t even buy underwear at Wal-Mart. And his apartment? No yard sale stuff there; it looks expensive and is. Frasier swears he could host one of those room make-over shows. I had to remind her those shows do have a budget.

“So what do you want for dinner?”

“Anything’s fine,” he murmurs, now very, very relaxed.

“Hey, you’re not going to sleep, are you?”

“Eventually, we will both succumb to the lure of normal human nocturnal activity,” he intones with a grin.

This is a little game we play, try to guess who we’re imitating. I think he’s one up, because I so did not guess when he was doing Thor. “Oh, no, don’t tell me, I know this one. You’re…you’re Teal’c!”

“Just can’t slip anything by you, can I?”

“I am so onto you, kid.” I lightly thump his head as I head into the kitchen. The fridge is humming along as I shove stuff in it. Then I find a large cooker covered with foil. “Oh, man.” I uncover some mighty good looking stew. Yeah, there’s dinner right there. The burner comes right on; looks like Jaz lit the pilots for me. “Daniel, how does home-made beef stew sound?”

“Who made it?” He turns to look at me without thinking.

“Jaz’s wife, Dee.”

“Is she a good cook?”

“There are no bad cooks in Minnesota.” I hear him snort. “I’ve eaten her cooking before, it’s great. Just wish she’d left us some brownies.”

“Maybe you can talk her out of some while we’re here.”

“Maybe you can. I guarantee, she’ll take one look at little helpless Daniel and puddle right here in the floor.”

“Little helpless Daniel? I can’t believe you just said that!”

“I can’t believe you’re shocked at anything I say.”

“There is that.” He turns back toward the fire.

While the stew is heating, I set the coffee table conveniently located between the couches. “Okay, be careful, it’s hot.” I guide his hand to the mug I just filled. “Milk is on the right, bread on the left. And here’s a napkin.” He turns up his nose at the milk. “Hey, I’m drinking it, too.” I have to let him smell my glass to prove it.

“Jack, just because I’m not allowed to drink doesn’t mean you can’t have a beer.”

Actually, it does. I can’t take the chance of being tipsy in case he needs me. “Beer doesn’t go with stew,” I lie easily.

“Really?” He drawls, “I thought beer went with everything.”

 

Our sleeping arrangements concern me. Yeah, the cabin has two bedrooms and under normal circumstances, that would be great. But I’m reluctant to let Daniel sleep in the spare room alone. I mean, what if he needed me in the night? But I can’t very well let him bunk in the big room with me, because I will not be able to keep my hands or actually any part of my recalcitrant body away from him. 

We have taken great care to not mention the scene in my driveway the night of his wreck. I can’t broach the subject with a totally vulnerable Daniel; I have to wait until he’s able to fight back. I don’t want him giving in out of curiosity, or even worse, pity.

He’s currently investigating the guest room. I slouch at the door and watch him, mesmerized at those beautiful hands, learning where everything is. “Jack, I’m fine.”

I jump. “How the hell?”

“Smelled your cologne, heard you breathe.” He sits on the bed, facing me. “You know, I always thought that thing about your other senses being heightened was just a story, you know? But it’s not. I mean, I can tell when it’s you or when it’s Teal’c.”

I stroll the rest of the way in, and relax in the big comfy chair in the corner, by the window. It’s a great place to sit and read. “Do tell?”

“Well, to begin with, you wear cologne all the time. Teal’c only wears cologne if he’s going on a date.”

“Okay, I so don’t need to know that.”

”Jack, I’m glad you’re sitting, because I have to tell you that not only  
does Teal’c go out on dates, Sam’s been known to stay out after dark.”

“Why do I not know this stuff?” I complain.

“Because people confide in me. And you, well, um...”

“I’m, well, um, what?”

“Not really the confiding type?”

“Hey, I can keep a secret with the best of them! And who’ve they been going out with?”

“I suppose if they wanted you to know,” he pauses, and then grins wickedly, “they’d tell you.”

“One of these days, Daniel Jackson, I’m so gonna kick your ass.”

“Yeah, whatever, scared to death over here, I am.”

Without thought, I launch myself out of the chair and pin him to the bed. “Scared now?” I tighten my hands on his wrists.

“Absolutely petrified.” 

I can hold both of his wrists easily in one of mine, giving me a free hand to find a very specific spot on his ribs. He gasps and tries to buck away from me. Then goes absolutely still beneath me. “God, Daniel, did I hurt you?”

“No, I’m not hurt.” 

I start to ease myself off him and then I realize why he froze. “Sorry, Daniel, that’s just a natural reaction to being in your space.”

“Really?” He sounds incredulous.

“You are very, very sexy, young man. And I’m just as human as the next guy.” I release him and roll away, still staying on the bed. He sits up, but doesn’t move away from me.

“You...you,” he can’t quite bring himself to say it.

“You just breathing in my direction gets me hard, Daniel.” He’s absolutely dumbstruck. “Eureka, a way to keep Dr. Jackson quiet!” He’s still quiet. “Daniel, I’m not gonna touch you until you’re back to normal.”

“Because?”

“Because you’re vulnerable and totally dependent and your self-confidence is somewhere back in Colorado Springs. When we make love, it has to be because you want it as much as I do. And if you weren’t blind, I probably wouldn’t have the courage to talk like this.”

“What if...what if I asked you to stay? Just for tonight?” His voice is hesitant, unsure.

“Still saying no. We’re not on equal ground here, Daniel, and although I may be a complete bastard, even I wouldn’t stoop so low as to seduce a defenseless virgin.” He scowls at the words but it’s true. He’s completely defenseless and has no experience with the kind of sex we’re talking about. “You’re not a one-night stand to me.” For some reason, this makes him smile.

“How about a kiss?”

“Playing with fire, Daniel?”

“You know that thing with the senses? I just want to see what it feels like. Please, Jack, just one?”

“Yeah, like we’re gonna be able to stop with one,” I scoot up the bed until our thighs are touching, slide my hand around to cup his head.

“I’ll cut you off after one.” He promises.

“Mm hmm,” I stop my lips a hair away from his, make him wait for it. Then I tilt my head and dive in. His hands grip my wrists, hold me close as I give him what he wants, kissing him thoroughly, lingeringly, then pull away. He protests with a moan. “I thought you were gonna stop me at one?”

“I lied.” He leans in and his tongue finds my lips unerringly. I accommodate him and suck his tongue in. His moan is in no way a protest, it’s provocative and enticing. And I shove him back on the bed and plunge into his willing mouth, holding his head as I stroke his tongue over and over.

Finally, I come to my senses and draw back. “God, Daniel, I didn’t intend to do this. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.” He pouts up at me. 

“That,” I punctuate my lecture with staccato kisses, “is because,” grabbing his roving hands, “you are,” holding them firmly to the bed, “incorrigible.” He tries to wrestle out of my grasp. “Hey, trying to be noble here.”

“Don’t want you to be noble, want you to be here.”

I finally escape from his vile clutches. “And I will be here. Right across the hall. With the door locked. A chair braced under the knob. A gun in the nightstand.”

His face lightens up considerably. “No chastity belt?”

“Damn, I knew I forgot to pack something!” We both laugh. “Good night, Daniel. If you need me….for anything important...I mean...you know. Dammit, go to sleep.”

“Thanks, Jack. Sleep well.” Yeah, like that’s gonna happen now. I lie fully clothed on my bed and listen to the sounds of Daniel undressing and tucking himself in.

Only after I hear his breathing even out, do I get up and check on him. He is curled up with one hand under the pillows and the other, clenched in his T-shirt, under his chin. Although he looks uncomfortable, this seems to be his way of grounding himself so I leave him be.

I saw more of the real Daniel tonight than I’ve seen in a long time and I’m glad of it. That said, he still doesn’t know what he wants or needs at this point and I’m willing to wait. I meant what I said. He is so much more than a one-night stand to me.

 

 

Part Four

Some Say Love

 

It’s the heart afraid of breaking,  
That never learns to dance.  
It’s the dream afraid of waking,  
That never takes a chance.  
It’s the one who won’t be taken,  
Who cannot seem to give,  
And the soul afraid of dyin’,  
That never learns to live. – Bette Midler

 

A journey that usually takes under ten minutes takes nearly thirty because everyone wants to stop and tell me how happy they are for me. I don’t dole out hugs very often, but I’m on the receiving end of more than a few. Ferretti says nothing, simply lifts me off my feet in his enthusiasm. And I get a round of applause from the infirmary staff, which embarrasses me to no end.

“Daniel.” I turn to my left as I enter a crowded briefing room and see Sam standing there. I don’t know which one of us moves but suddenly we are locked in each other’s arms. I don’t even care that I’m crying, and I don’t suppose she does, either. Teal’c waits with simmering impatience, then snatches me from Sam and I feel my feet once again leave the ground.

“I missed you guys.” I swipe at the tears that won’t follow my command to stop.

“We have missed you as well, Daniel Jackson. SG1 has not been the same without your presence.”

“Dr. Jackson, welcome back.” General Hammond’s greeting is much more subdued, but just as heartfelt.

“Thank you, sir, it’s great to be back.” His hand gentle on my shoulder almost makes me cry again.

“Dr. Fraiser tells me she should be able to clear you for light duties in a couple of weeks.”

“Oh, it won’t be that long,” I protest. “A few days with the dark glasses and I’ll be good as new.”

“Nice try, Daniel,” she shakes her head. “I’ve been in close contact with Dr. Conn and two weeks is the minimum amount of time he believes it will take for your vision to return to normal.”

“But..”

“No buts, Daniel. You will do as the doctor orders.” I sneak a glance at Jack and just as quickly look away. He’s looking at me like he could simply devour me. In the briefing room? I frown at him warningly and he winks back. He knows that’s not fair and he’s not supposed to look at me like that. Especially when we can’t do anything about it. For the first time, I’m glad for the dark glasses, I can no more school my expression than I can resist his.

So I go instinctively for escape. “I just need to go to my office, check my mail.”

“Until you’re released for active duty, Dr. Jackson, your office is still off-limits.”

I frown at Janet. “It’s not work.”

She catches my wavering hand. “No taking the glasses off. Don’t defy me, Daniel, because I promise you won’t like the consequences.”

My brow quirks upward. “Think you can take me, do you?”

“Oh, I know I can.” My height advantage isn’t much of an advantage; she’s five foot nothing of I’m-meaner-than-you-are Air Force doctor.

“Me, too.” Sam pipes up.

“I believe I, too, can ‘take’ you.”

“I guess I get to bat clean-up,” Jack drawls.

Okay, maybe down, but definitely not out. I give them all the mega-watt smile that I hold in reserve for when I truly need it. It fails to have any effect that I can perceive, but that only makes me more determined. Before this day is over, I will get into my office, I vow to myself. For now, I let them think I’ve given up, proceed to the commissary for a celebratory snack.

 

Okay, four o’clock and I still haven’t managed to get into my office. It’s become a battle of wills, a challenge, if you will. But I have an ace up my sleeve they don’t know about. They can’t have locked my office down completely; several members of my staff must have access since there are all kinds of reference materials that they might need to use. All I have to do is get one of them to open the door for me. One of the people whose time sheets I sign and approve. Yes, when all else fails, I find a well-placed, implied threat works wonders. 

Now, to find the most vulnerable members of my staff, those with access cards. Hmm, that would be Smith, Carr and Lacy. Sounds like a law firm, really. Annette could become a lawyer, she has the kind of piercing look that pins unsuspecting Air Force colonels when she thinks they’re being just plain mean to a certain archaeologist; I love it. 

But she’s also completely unsusceptible to my baby blues, so she’s off the list. Dr. Lucien Carr is a quiet genius whom we snatched fresh out of grad school and I haven’t regretted it a day. I could push him around easily, so he’s also off this list; I just can’t bring myself to bully someone who’s basically me. 

And so that leaves Dr. Lacy. I actually knew Simon from my previous life, as I like to refer to it. But he wasn’t one of the people at the lecture-from-hell and he had been nice to me back then. When the general asked me for a list of potentials for the linguistics staff, he was one of the very few from back then that I would have ever contemplated working with. The fact that I am now his supervisor is really, really weird. Not that Simon minds, as long as he gets to translate all this wonderful stuff, he doesn’t give a damn who signs his pay-check. 

So, he’s my target. A subtly probing phone call elicits the information that Simon is probably in my office even as we speak. Oh, joy, this makes it so easy! All I have to do is slip away from my bodyguard; sorry about this, Sam, but this has become a personal challenge. A visit to the…um...facility, the one place I know Sam won’t dare follow me.

She conveniently visits the ladies room, and voila, I’m off. I veer away from the elevator and take the stairs two at a time. Four flights up and I poke my head around the door. The coast, as they say, is clear. I slink down the hall toward my office door, which I can see is open, but for some reason, it appears the lights are off. Someone must be doing something that requires black light.

I’m patting myself on the back when I step inside. Now, I just need to power up my computer and I’m..

“Whatcha doin’?”

I leap at least four feet in the air. “Jack! What the hell?” I think my heart just stopped. I furiously try to deflect him. “Um…what are you doing here?”

“Trying to catch you, you little sneak.”

“Catch me? I just…needed to ask Simon a question.” I make sure the very solid table is between us.

“You are a lying son of a bitch and I’m gonna turn you over my knee.” He darts around one end of the table and I instinctively go around the other.

“Turn me over your knee?” I had no idea I could do Mickey Mouse’s voice.

“Right here, right now, Daniel.”

“Uh…Jack, let’s talk about this.” He’s…um, stalking me.

“I’ve had enough of the speak softly shit. I’m getting the big stick out.” Even in the semi-dark, I believe I can correctly interpret the predatory gleam in his eyes.

“Jack, you can’t,” I offer sensibly, “we’re on base.”

“You started it!”

Oh so, it’s my fault? “I didn’t do a thing!”

“I suppose that big, sweet smile was nothing. What was with all the hugging, and the little tear stained face? How’m I supposed to resist that?”

“It wasn’t intentional.” At least, not all of it.

“You are still a lying son of a bitch and you’re still getting spanked.” He leans to one side and I answer in kind. Unfortunately, I don’t realize it’s a feint until he snags my jacket. 

Okay, he may have my jacket, but he’s a long way from having me. “What are you gonna do now, big boy?” I smirk confidently at him, preparing to wriggle out of my jacket. He’s extremely limited in his options, unless he wants to drag me across the desk. To my shock, that’s exactly what he does, dislodging papers and books as he lunges across to get both hands in my shirt and pulls me off my feet. I am sprawled in a not-so-fetching position across the table.

“Come here,” he growls, gives another jerk and we both crash to the floor.

“Ow! How did I wind up on the bottom?”

“I’m better trained. And you’re younger and softer.” He has me pinned firmly beneath him.

“Jack, we’re on base!” I hiss again as he lowers his head.

“I don’t care,” he mutters against my neck.

“Well, I do, so let me up. Now.” His answer is to dig his teeth into my neck. “Hey! That’s gonna leave a mark!” Dammit, he knows I bruise easily. I try to shove him off. “How am I supposed to explain getting a hickey on base?”

“Put on a turtleneck.” He’s really getting into this now, sucking my neck for all he’s worth. “It’s either this or the spanking. Care to try to explain bruises on your ass?”

At least they’d be easier to hide! I can’t even think straight, much less try to explain anything. “Jack, please,” I plead. Oh, God, if he doesn’t stop in the next five seconds, we are both gonna be in big trouble. “Anybody could come in here!” I try to appeal to the Air Force colonel hidden deep within the horny predator.

“Yeah, like me.” Snarling, he renews the attack on my neck.

“Jack! I can’t believe you said that!”

I must be getting to him because Jack stops dead. Then rolling off me, digging in his pockets, he finds his cell phone. Oh, not me; someone else was giving him a cheap thrill. “What?” he demands. Sensing an escape venue, I crawl around the table, but he snatches my ankle, pulls me flat. “Yes, Carter, I found Daniel. Got my hand on him right now. What do you think? Oh, I’m still gonna turn him over my knee.” 

I try to pull away, but he’s got a solid grip on me and I can get no purchase on the slick floor or the corners of the table. I contemplate unlacing my boot, but he’d be on me in a heartbeat. “No, he didn’t get to do any work, but it sure as hell wasn’t for lack of trying. You can tell Fraiser I’m taking him home. I know just how to take his mind off work.” He flips the phone closed and I sit up to stare at him, his hand still warm on my ankle. “Get up, Daniel.”

I automatically obey the command in his voice. He pushes me out of the door and slides his card. “You knew all along!” I accuse him.

“Carter called me from the bathroom. We knew you’d give her the slip.”

“You...you set a trap for me.”

“Yeah, and didn’t I catch myself a big one.”

 

I walk slowly around my apartment, seeing so many things I took for granted. Opening the balcony doors, I welcome the sun streaming across me as I sit down at the piano. I tried to play while I was blind but I couldn’t get the feel of it. Now, I can play to my hearts content. I love music, both listening and playing, so I satisfy myself by playing just for the sheer enjoyment. 

I’m terribly aware of Jack on the couch, watching the sunset blazing behind me. The last chords fade into silence. His eyes are soft and warm. I flush as I always do when he looks at me like that; I’m not used to people noticing me physically. Actually, I usually try to fly under the radar. “I missed you.” There is a longing, a hunger in his voice that both scares and excites me. I meet his eyes, neither one of us moving for the longest time. 

I make myself get up and walk to him. Fighting for the courage to do this, I kneel on the couch, straddling his lap. My hands explore his face, his hair, his throat. His hands rest on my back, just holding me there. 

Finally, I lower my mouth to his, keeping my eyes wide open. He lets me set the pace, slow as I want. His lips answer mine, kiss for kiss. I feel him fighting himself, he wants it all and he wants it now. I give in, let him take the lead, deepen the kisses, soften enough to let his tongue in. My mind registers his hands, tugging hard at my waist and an even harder erection under my butt. And I freeze.

“Daniel?” He lets me draw away, but not too far. “Sorry, I told you before, you just have to breathe on me.” I have absolutely no idea what to say, so I just drop my eyes. But he won’t have it, his fingers raise my chin. His smile makes my heart pound. I try to rest my head on his shoulder but he won’t have that either, holding my face so he can see my eyes. “I had this big plan, you know. As soon as you got your sight back, I was gonna take you to bed and keep you there day and night for a solid week.”

He pushes me off his lap and onto the coffee table so we can look at each other. “But?”

“But you’re not ready yet.”

“Jack.”

“Can you walk in that bedroom and have sex with me, right here, right now?”

“Yes.” Even I don’t sound convinced.

His hand squeezes my knee. “You’ve always been a terrible liar, Daniel.”

Sometimes, he slays me with his perception. I’m struggling with this and he sees that. Sees me. Knows me. Knows I’m scared and confused 

“I could still…” I tilt my head, glance down pointedly.

“Oh, yeah, you could. But because I love you, we aren’t going to. I want all of your attention, not just the parts you think I need. And I don’t want you doing something you’re not ready to do, just to please me.”

“And people think you’re dense.” I don’t know anyone else who could sell me that line about loving me enough not to have sex with me.

“Keep ‘em guessing, kid. That’s always a good strategy. Okay, we need something to work off all this energy.” He heads to the kitchen. Wondering if he’s distracted enough not to notice, I take a slight step toward my office. “Don’t bother, Daniel.”

I turn into the kitchen. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I fumble with my glasses.

He stays me with his hands. “Leave ‘em on, the eyes are so not gonna work. And you’re welcome to hit your office, but you won’t find it.”

I glare at him before I charge into my office. Where my laptop is nowhere to be found. “Jack! Where is it?”

“Under Air Force lock and key.”

“That was sneaky.” I drop onto one of the kitchen chairs, pouting without remorse. If he won’t let me use the eyes, I’ll have to try the mouth.

“Yeah, it was, just wish I’d thought of it. Teal’c was the smart one.”

“Teal’c?” I figure Jack or Janet, but Teal’c? “Teal’c?” I repeat stupidly.

“Yeah, Teal’c. You know, big guy, gold emblem? He brought it to our attention that you would have your face stuck in the screen the minute our backs were turned. So he suggested I…retain custody of it. Until you’re cleared to work, of course.”

“That’s,” I wail after doing the math, “that could be two weeks! What am I supposed to do for two weeks? I can’t work and you won’t have sex with me! I’ll go crazy.”

Jack’s expression is decidedly satisfied. “Welcome to my world!” He crows.

 

Not only will he not have sex with me, he won’t even sleep with me! I’m pissed beyond words. He gives me a chaste kiss on my forehead and tucks me up all nice and neat. Thanks for nothing, buddy. I tried to convince him we could sleep together and not do anything. And his reply showed just how untrustworthy he thinks I am. 

At least he’s here, just across the hall. I seriously contemplate sneaking over there and flinging myself on top of him, see how much of a gentleman he really is. 

If they’d left my laptop, I’d have been on the Net already, doing some research. I mean, I know some stuff; history is full of facts and...um...images of male-on-male sex. I can do this, I know I can. I just have to tell myself that it’s what Jack wants, what he needs to prove I love him. 

But, dammit, he’s right. It’s just one more type of pressure that I don’t need right now. Getting back to work again after all this time, trying to recover from a wreck that is still giving me headaches and nightmares, and then there is that little blind thing. Yeah, Jack nailed this one, that bastard. I’ve got half a mind to go across that hall and belt him good. I’m still trying to talk myself out of that when I fall asleep.

 

When the nightmare comes, just like clockwork, I stifle the screams so I won’t wake him. It’s always the same, I’m still blind and I keep falling continually, through a deep, dark pit that I never find the bottom of. Leaping up, still shuddering and fumbling to open a window. God, I just have to have some fresh air, the taste of foul air is still in my mouth, turns my stomach. 

When the rain-dampened breeze hits me, an unexpected memory takes me to my knees. That night it was the snow that peppered my face, left the streaks on my face. Wasn’t it? I can’t really remember any part of it. There are jolting pieces, flashes really, of light and noise and movement that I’m not sure actually happened. 

I remember with startling clarity sitting in my Jeep, Jack’s gentle kiss as he got out. He did kiss me, didn’t he? I curl up, searching desperately for that memory; I think it was a good one.

 

 

And that’s just where Jack finds me in the morning, under the window, wet with rain and fast asleep. Evidently, the shouting didn’t work; the first thing I knew he was shaking the shit out of me. “What?”

“What in the merry hell are you doing?”

“I suppose I was asleep.” I try to pull away from him, but he’s got me in a death grip.

“Look at you, soaked to the skin.” His fingers tangle in the dripping strands of my hair. “Thousand wonders you don’t get pneumonia.” He drags me off the floor and practically throws me into a chair, which I immediately abandon for the bed.

“You don’t get pneumonia from getting wet.” I pull the covers over my head; I didn’t know how cold I was until I start getting warm.

“Get out from under those covers.” His voice booms from the bathroom.

“Make me,” I snarl back. I’m just getting warm here. No way in hell am I getting out of this bed.

“Get in this shower. Now. I’m not kidding, Daniel. Don’t make me come in there.”

“Dammit all to hell,” I mutter as I sling the covers back and stumble down the steps, wondering what weapons I have in the bathroom. Just as I clear the door, his hands clamp onto me and he shoves me, still in my jammies, into the shower. “Aaaah,” I groan as the steaming water hits me. 

“Strip.”

Does he have any idea how hard it is to take off wet jammies in an enclosed space with water running? I manage to peel them off and opening the door, I throw them out, hoping maliciously to hit Jack. I hear a splat, his oath and I grin in satisfaction. Target acquired, enemy craft destroyed. There are advantages to this Air Force gig, after all.

I finally get warm in the shower and what does he do? Orders me out. I’m glad I didn’t let him talk me into having sex, because I’m throwing him out on his ass the very first chance I get. “I swear, Daniel, I’ll cut the water off. I’ve got tools and I’m not afraid to use them.” Yeah, whatever, I twist the knobs and sling the door open. I grab the robe and groan as I wrap up in it, that dog had warmed it in the dryer. And the towel, too.

Maybe I won’t kill him after all. Maybe I won’t toss him out. Maybe I will let him stay, just for a little while. I make my way back into the bedroom and crawl back under the covers. And just when I was thinking kind thoughts about Jack, he bellows again. I’m beginning to hate the sound of my name. I pull the covers over my head and feign deafness. “Drink this.”

I petulantly sit up and take the cup he hands me. Funny, it doesn’t smell like coffee. I take a cautious sip. Now I know why it doesn’t smell like coffee, because it isn’t! “Tea? You want me to drink tea?” I’m insulted, I’m affronted, I’m…I’m not sure what I am. But I’m not happy. Except for the fact that Jack is sprawled out beside me, watching me avidly. I drink the overly sweet tea and only the fact that it is horribly expensive prevents me from slamming the delicate cup on the nightstand; instead I carefully replace it in the hand-painted saucer. 

“Daniel? Care to tell me what the hell happened?” His fingers seem fascinated with my hair, teasing the damp curls.

“What do you mean?” I stall for time.

“I found you unconscious...”

“I was asleep.”

“Unconscious, under an open window, wet to the skin. What kind of a stunt are you trying to pull?”

“It wasn’t a stunt. I woke up, needed some air, and opened a window.”

“And decided to sleep on the floor, all wet, in the night air?”

“Pretty much.”

“Daniel.” There is a distinct warning tone in his voice even though his fingers are still gentle. “Were you having a nightmare?”

Since the whole purpose was to keep him from finding out about the nightmare, I have to think fast. Distraction time. “Jack, that night? Did you kiss me?”

“The night of your wreck?” I nod. “In the driveway, in your truck?” Another nod. “Do you not remember?”

“I was trying to, I think I do, but everything is kind of jumbled up,” I tap my temple, “in here. I think you did and I think it was nice, kind of sweet.”

“Like this?” He leans over and touches gentle lips to mine.

“Um, yeah, maybe.”

“Or like this?” A bit more pressure, his head tilts and his tongue teases my lips until they open and welcome the invasion.

“No, I really think it was more like the first one.” I angle my head at him. “Maybe I need another comparison.”

“Yeah, and maybe you need to get some sleep. I’ve gotta go.” I just noticed he was fully dressed. 

“You’ve got a wet spot,” my finger traces the front of his shirt, “right there.”

“What about that? Some jack-ass hit me with wet clothes. Now go back to sleep.” He doesn’t even wait for an invitation, his mouth plunges straight for mine, shoving me back against the pillow, kissing me until my head spins. “I’ll be by tonight.” He strokes my eyes closed and kisses them. “Sweet dreams.” I don’t even hear the front door shut.

 

“Honey, I’m home!”

“In here, darling!” I shout back.

Jack stops, stunned at the bedroom door. I don’t think it’s my outfit; very old, very ragged jeans and a sweatshirt I filched from Teal’c. He left it behind after one of his babysitting gigs and I latched onto it. Using it to help me sleep had everything to do with the fact that I could smell Teal’c on it.

Jack’s not ogling me, but the laptop currently open in front of me. “Didn’t I take that away from you?”

“Nope.” I answer cheerfully.

“I didn’t take that laptop and lock it away in my…” He stops.

“Nope.”

“How did you get it?”

“I didn’t.”

“But you have it.”

“Nope.”

“Daniel, are you being deliberately obtuse?”

“Yep.” I haven’t had this much fun in ages. But I’m allegedly sweet, so I let him off the hook. “If you check, you’ll find my laptop is right where you left it.”

He reaches for his phone without thinking. “So that’s not your laptop?”

“Yep.”

“Daniel!” He thunders.

“This is my laptop, Jack. Just not the one you took.” Because I can, I flutter my eyelashes at him.

“You…you...” He can’t say it.

“I bought another one.” He collapses on the end of the bed. “There, there, you can’t win ‘em all. But I do give you points for trying.”

“You bought a new laptop? How?”

“Credit card. You really should have taken my wallet if you wanted to keep me contained, Colonel O’Neill.” I shake my head mournfully at his grievous tactical error.

“Dr. Jackson, would you care to explain before I beat the shit out of you?”

“Of course. Borrowed neighbor’s computer, ordered laptop online from Circuit City. Tod, the doorman, called me a cab, since my car keys were nowhere to be found.” I adopt a puzzled expression at him. Little does he know I have an extra set, well hidden. I’m keeping that under wraps in case of dire emergency. “Taxi hauled my ass to CC, waited for me to pick up said laptop, and then cheerfully hauled my ass back. Oh, and we stopped at the grocery store, I couldn’t seem to find my coffee, either. And how was your day, dear?”

 

Jack is not speaking to me. If I’d known how much fun this was, I’d have pissed him off a long time ago. Oh, he’s still here; at least most of him is. His ass is on the couch but his brain is somewhere in the stratosphere trying to figure out where to stash my lifeless body after he dismembers me. I’m certain Jack didn’t realize this give and take would involve me giving and him having to take it. Over and over and over.

Sometimes, I love my life.

 

He has surpassed the pissed-off, not-speaking stage and is now rapidly descending into the snarky, smart-ass reply portion of tonight’s entertainment. This is better than any of those alleged reality shows. 

I’m wired to the gills on coffee and the Net. I’ve read and answered all the emails in my SGC in-box. All four hundred, fifty two of them. I’ve researched how Jack and I can engage in a fulfilling, satisfying and more important, safe sex life. And I’ve got the pictures to prove it.

 

“Daniel, why is there nothing to eat in here?” His head is stuck in my refrigerator.

“You’re asking me? The me with no car keys? The me who isn’t allowed out the front door? That me?”

“Didn’t you say you went to the grocery store?”

“For coffee. Which I procured. Had I known there was a grocery list somewhere, I’m sure I would have taken the time to...” The sarcasm is muffled by his tongue attempting to dislodge my tonsils. This is strange, since I don’t have any tonsils.

“I have thought long and hard,” he mutters as he forces me out of the kitchen, “about shutting you up just like this.” Proving he is a pilot of unerring skill, he backs me into the bedroom. And straight onto the bed. “Fantasized about it.”

“You...you have fantasies about me?” That’s so sweet.

“Oh, yes, several wicked, immoral, illegal fantasies.”

I realize where I’ve seen that expression before. “In the briefing room?”

“I want to shut you up like this,” he demonstrates, “and do you right there on the briefing room table.”

“That sounds...um…”

“Erotic?”

“I was going for uncomfortable.”

“Not nearly as uncomfortable as the gate room.”

“The gate room?” I can in no way picture this.

“Mmm. I just can’t figure out how not to leave skid marks all over your ass.”

“On the ramp? In the gate room?” Am I repeating myself? “Er.. anywhere else?”

“General’s office. But I’m the general.” I snicker. “What?”

“You? A General?”

“Oh, yes. General O’Neill in full dress blues. And you’re wearing nothing but the handcuffs I slapped on you.”

I’m still snickering. “The day you make general, I’ll handcuff myself to the general’s desk.”

His eyes flash wickedly. “I’m holding you to that, boy. I’m detaining you. Debriefing, declassifying.” 

“It sounds more like you were de-clothing me.”

“Is that even a word?” His face lights up as he contemplates demonstrating.

“Throw me a dictionary, I’ll look it up.”

His hips thrust into mine. “How about I just throw you the dick instead?

“Who was it that said no last night? I’m thinking it wasn’t me.” I try to help him with the de-clothing thing, but he stops me.

“I did, didn’t I?”

“That was me saying yes, yes, yes!”

“And that was me saying no, no, no?”

“Believe so.”

“Damn.” He rolls over, dragging me across him. “I was afraid of that.”

“Are you still saying no?” Since I’m on top, I try out the hip thing on him.

He howls. “Will you stop that? Noble me, remember?”

I drop my knees onto either side of his hips and bounce. Hard. “Screw being noble. How ‘bout you screw me instead?”

His eyes go from shocked to intense in a matter of seconds. “Remind me again why we were waiting?” 

I pepper his face with kisses. “I was defenseless.”

“Not from where I’m lying.”

“Vulnerable.”

“I think that’s me.”

“Uncertain.”

“Don’t remember a thing.”

I latch onto his mouth with mine, trying to suck his tongue out of his head. “Does that jar your memory?”

“Keep doing that, something is coming back to me.” He thrusts up at me to emphasize his words.

“I hear and obey.”

His face sobers. Okay, we suddenly got serious for some reason. So I let him shift me so that we are sitting facing each other on the bed. “I just realized that I’ve spent six weeks telling you what to do, where to go, what to eat, when to go to bed. And we, none of us, ever once asked you what you wanted. Did we?”

“I know you were only doing what you thought was best for me.”

“And this not working thing? I should have stood up to Fraiser for you, at least got her to let you do a little something. See, I forgot who you are. How you measure who you are by what you do, by what you can accomplish. It must have been hell for you, Daniel.” I start to argue. “No, Daniel, don’t say it was fine, you were fine. You weren’t. We took all your choices away from you. Especially me.” He takes my hand in his, stroking with his thumb.

I honestly don’t know what to say. Part of it is true, I resented them running my life for me, even though I knew that it was necessary.

“I guess I was the worst, huh?”

“Janet would run you a close second.” I offer soothingly. “You can both be pretty...um...determined.”

“So. Accepting my apology?”

“Hmm, maybe.” I jerk off the dark glasses so I can really see him. He frowns, but stops himself just in time. “Jack, it’s night, I think I can dispense with them for a while.”

“I must admit, I like this view better.” I give him the full benefit of the big blue eyes before crawling closer to him. I sit back on my heels and take his face in my hands. “Gonna make me grovel?”

“Plan on it.”

“Beg?” He’s trying to work his hands under my shirt.

“That goes without saying.”

“Just so we’re clear...shift up a little, will ya?” I rise up on my knees so he can grasp the hem of the sweatshirt, which resides somewhere about mid-thigh. “Whose clothes are you wearing anyway?” He finally gets the offending shirt over my head.

“Teal’c’s sweatshirt. My jeans.”

“Why are you wearing Teal’c’s shirt?” His mouth is investigating the skin he just bared.

I would never admit this to anyone but him. “I...it helped me sleep to have it.”

“Smell his cologne on it?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought you said he only wore cologne when he went out?”

“So?”

“So he wore cologne to come stay with you?” He pushes back to look into my completely dazed eyes.

“I didn’t sleep with him, Jack, just his shirt.”

“Rule number one, you don’t sleep with anyone but me.” He punctuates this statement with short, hard kisses. “Not Teal’c.”

“Just his shirt.” I agree happily.

“If I’m not here, you sleep with my shirt.”

I shudder at the thought of curling up wearing nothing but one of Jack’s shirts, surrounding myself with his scent. “Okay.”

“Rule number two, you don’t wear these jeans out in public. Just for me.” His hands are stroking my denim covered thighs.

The offending jeans are soft, well-washed, and have holes in spots where guys usually have…um…stress points. Because I am feeling decidedly wicked, I twinkle my eyes at him. “How do you think I got the taxi driver to wait for me?”

I jump as he swats me firmly across my backside. “Trying to drive me crazy?”

“It’s been my goal in life since day one.” His mouth and hands still on me. “Jack?”

“I almost went back for you, you know.” I’m totally confused. “Abydos. I almost confessed to the Air Force what I’d done, almost went back for you.”

Stunned, I pull as far away as he lets me. “Why?”

“You were just a kid, Daniel, and I walked off and left you to fend for yourself.”

“I was fine, Jack.” I never really thought about how my staying affected him. “And I wasn’t a kid, I was thirty years old.”

“Thirty going on twelve. Yeah, I know the argument. You were in college when most of us were trying to figure out razors and stick shifts. But you were so innocent, so trusting and I left you with strangers.”

“What changed your mind?”

“I called Ferretti and Kawalsky, told them what I was planning to do. Kawalsky looked me in the eye and said something like, leave him alone, at least he’s happy now. Were you, Daniel?” His eyes are bright, intense.

“Yes, Jack, I was happy. It was one of the best years of my life. I don’t regret it. The only thing I regret is...”

“Unburying the gate?” His hands slide across my back, bringing me into his arms again.

“Yeah. That was my call and if I had it to do over again, I would never have done it. I loved her, Jack.” I rest my chin on his shoulder.

“I know you did and still do. I know that. If things had gone differently, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

He’s right. If they had lived, both of our lives would have gone down totally different paths. “So, do we curse them for dying? I have, you know. I’ve cursed her for leaving me. And I’m sure she cursed me for what happened to her. My fault.” I blink away the tears. “All my fault.”

“And Charlie was my fault. And yes, I have cursed him for playing with my gun, for dying. And denying ourselves happiness doesn’t bring either of them back. They’d want us to be happy, Daniel. Don’t you think Sha’re would be furious to know how long you’ve been alone?”

I swallow my tears. “Furious wouldn’t even begin to cover it.”

“Had a temper, did she?”

“You don’t even want to know how many bowls she threw at me.”

“I know just how she felt.” His hands shift me so that I straddle him. “God knows I’ve wanted to throw things at you.”

I link my hands behind his head and capture his mouth. “So. Having sex now?”

“I hate to break it to you, Daniel, but we’ve been having sex for the past fifteen minutes.”

“What?” I look down in complete confusion. I still have most of my clothes on and he still has all of his on.

“It’s called foreplay, look it up sometime. Usually occurs right after the courtship.”

I feel my face color remembering thinking ages ago about courtship, about how I never had one. “So you’ve been courting me?” I intended for that to sound provocative, not a squeaky question.

“Yep.” 

“I don’t remember any flowers or chocolate?”

He suddenly shifts position and I find myself slammed onto the bed, covered with one Air Force issued Colonel. “I got you in bed without them, didn’t I?” 

“Technically, we’re on the bed, not in it.” I feel compelled to point out with a grin. “And about the sex? I really think the word ‘sex’ implies that one or both of us...”

He shuts me up with fantasy number one.


End file.
